Every now and again, in a moment of clarity (generally when I am lucky enough to get at least 5 hours of sleep in a row), I have a revelation; a “Eureka” moment. I recently saw a post on social media that inspired me. It is strange considering most things on social media cause me to doubt my faith in humanity or stop what I’m doing to make some sort of microwave mug cake I saw posted. It forced me to think about my art and about my life. The two run parallel most of the time. I begin a painting with a faint idea of what it will turn out to be. It begins in planning, makes me angry, makes me excited and usually turns out completely different that what I had planned. When bits of my plan don’t quite seem to fit, I try a different technique. I adapt and then I improve. Why is my life any different?
I look back to my teenage years, before low metabolism and car insurance payments…sigh. I remember feeling an overwhelming sense of inadequacy, not only with myself, but with my circumstances. Neighborhoods and high schools and colleges were not good enough; I had to go where I felt the grass was greener but I always felt out of place regardless of where I went. I would never adapt. I would hang on to what I had known before; what I felt was not good enough as if it were some subconscious effort to sabotage my personal well-being (nobody can identify with that one, right?). Back to the social media post: someone took something ugly, run-down and unloved and made it beautiful because where they are in life, physically, geographically, spiritually, etc… is good enough. Basically, in a nutshell, I should not give up on myself, where I am from, what I do, what I like, etc… because that ever-so-annoying voice in my head says it’s not good enough. Instead of abandoning it, help to improve it. Just like a painting.